With all my unhealthy comfort props gone, what does that leave? No more binge-eating. No more running up the charge card. No more expecting people to be and do what they can’t. Smoking? Drinking? Gone! Junk TV marathons? Bye bye.

I’m no paragon of virtue. Initially I had to find a way to replace food as a god because if I didn’t, I’d die of obesity-related ailments. Everything else, all the other mindless escapes, left in a cascade of understanding that anything I put in front of facing reality would eventually become the enemy. I don’t know how it is for other people (and I’m not opposed to fun, for goodness sake) but that’s how it is for this food addict. At a certain point, I figured I might just as well give up running away rather than tussle with the obsession de jour.

Which brings me to the subject of, if I’m not going to evade reality and be a comfort-junkie, how will I avoid being freaked out all the time? A mentor suggested I think of those times when I feel safe. Initially, I said never, because learning to trust the good in life has not come easily to me. But eventually I started remembering times of feeling loved, connected, touched and protected. Tucked up snug in my bed with a good book. In wide-open nature, beach or woods. When a friend calls to say she’s praying for me every morning. When another takes my call, offers infinite kindness and validation, and waits patiently on the other end of the line while I cry, then dry my tears. Then there’s singing–I always feel in the flow, free, clear and potent when I sing. Private family moments, too, when my guys are all gathered around the table, scarfing down my good cooking and cracking wise about their hijinks, the ones I didn’t know about at the time. How we laugh!

So where does this leave those of us seeking to live substance-free but not wallowing in misery? Once I know what makes me feel safe, I have two responsibilities:

1. Seek out healthy things that help me feel safe.

2. Remember these things, feel where they live in my body, when I’m in the crunch and any time I can.

When I honor my life this way, I get to have my life. I get to be a better, more useful person, to myself, others and my higher power. And I get to realize deep, deep in my gut, that my true state is infinite, eternal—and perfectly safe.