I hate being unemployed. I like a regular paycheck. Who doesn’t?

I can choose to freak out, or sink into the love nature provides me...

But the last few weeks I’ve been overcome with fear and dread. I want to believe that the universe will provide. Really I do. But it’s easier to believe that when there’s money being dropped into my bank account on a regular basis than when I have to wake up every day and create my own path. So I’ve been praying a lot, formally and informally. Meditating as much as I can manage, though it’s awfully hard to sit still when a little voice inside is pushing me to run around trying to fix my situation. And I’ve been suiting up and showing up for whatever offers, interviews and opportunities I can cull from all my sources.

But the fear just stayed with me, a demon following me everywhere, feeding me doom and gloom at every turn. Last night on a whim I pulled Natalie Goldberg’s book Writing Down the Bones off my shelf. On page 2 she quotes a friend who says, “Trust in love and it will take you where you need to go.” Then Goldberg amends it to, “Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”

This version of “Do what you love and the money will follow” got into my head. So to pull myself out of the fear-induced doldrums, I started to remember, and feel into, what I love. For me it’s all about human connections and sharing the gifts of healing and hope. And for today, I feel the power and truth there. I still don’t like being unemployed. But I’m not going to live in the half-empty of not having a regular job. Rather, I’ll let myself give and receive the love of my higher power as I go about my daily tasks, and trust the process.

Going through the day scared isn’t useful or necessary. Fear and anxiety, someone once told me, are not income-producing activities. Following the leadings of my inner guides is the only place to live. I just have to stay in the day, do the next right thing and trust that I will be provided for. I don’t trust easily, but I’ve had miracles in the past from embracing this method.  And for today, I’m willing to believe that love, not just as a feeling but as a way of living, will continue to keep me where I need to be.