Could you say no to a face like that? Of course not!

Are you praying to God or to Santa Claus? This question was posed recently by a friend. My answer—Santa Claus. I want what I want when I want it. I want a nice, lucrative, fulfilling, helpful job delivered NOW. Is that too much to ask? I mean, seriously. What’s the problem?

I live as healthfully as I know how—eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, spend time with family, friends, and myself. I pray. I meditate, as best I can. I am kind to people and animals. I let other drivers in, and say thanks when they let me in. I hardly ever gossip, and when I do, it’s with the best intentions. I recycle. I look old people in the eye and talk to them like they’re real. I rescued a shelter dog. I send get-well cards, assay the right things at memorial services and keep my lawn mowed. On a daily basis, I try to be grateful for all that’s real in my life. In short, I shouldn’t be on the naughty list. So.

Aren’t I OWED? Am I not good enough? What I am doing wrong?

Nothing, friends tell me. Nothing at all. You are right where you’re supposed to be.

Ewwww. I hate that. Don’t you hate that?

However, as the saying goes from Recovery Incorporated (RI) (a self-help group that relies what feels like a kind of cognitive therapy): You can’t be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. Unemployment is miserable. I wake up in the morning and I have no place to go, no routine, no specific purpose. Not to mention, um, no income. NO ONE IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD ENJOY THIS!!!! DUH.

OKAY. I’ve been in a perpetual tantrum. I thought I was mad at God. Turns out I was mad at Santa Claus. Shadow boxing, anyone? I’m mad at someone who does not exist.

It might be helpful, instead, to take actions, however small, toward resolution of this ugly stuckness. Plan my days, one day at a time. Plan for sure and determined action (RI again). Remind myself that any decision is better than no decision.

And it would probably be a good idea to stop being mad at myself. I didn’t cause or create this situation. Neither did Santa Claus. As for God, well, that’s the question, isn’t it? When my Mom broke the news to me about the Christmas Santa (as opposed to the unemployment Santa), she did a really good thing. She said, “Santa Claus isn’t a real person. But he’s the spirit in us that wants to give to people.”

Now that’s a Santa, I mean, God, I can get behind. Or, rather, that I can agree to have backing me up. Okay, God. I’m listening. And listening. And listening… It’s just that, could you speak up just a little louder? I’m just saying….