Trick question! In an ideal world, nothing but a gun to my head (God forbid! So far, this has

never happened, Amen.) can make me say yes.

In this ideal world, my yeses are all choices thoughtfully  arrived at and mindfully delivered.

But this, you may have noticed, is the real world.

And in this real world, I say yes to a lot of things. Yes to watching TV when I really need to get to bed. Yes to the phone when it rings when I really, really don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Yes to a person or organization’s request or demand that may or may not be best for all concerned. But do I stop and think before yesing?

I do not.

And I would like to. Because too many mindless yesses mean fewer true yesses. Yes to a helping someone who doesn’t truly require my help or has other resources, that robs another area where I might serve more fully. Yes when I really want to say no means snapping resentfully at someone and then, sigh, having to make amends. Again. Yes when I’m tired and need to go to bed means I wake up blue and slow.

Are we sensing a theme here?

I’ve decided I need more yesses to myself, fewer to others, and those more carefully processed. This self I’m thinking of, it’s not the small self, the one that wants greasy grilled cheese when crispy baked tofu is on the menu or wants to lie down and be a doormat just so someone will smile.

Nope. This yes is to my higher self, the one who’s connected to and part of the eternal power, the great source, the infinite energy, the father/mother creator.

I know people who says yes because they don’t know how to say no. I am that person still, more often than I’d like. I lose myself sometimes to the wrong yesses. I’m not unusual. This is addict behavior and I’m a recovering food addict.

When we say yes to people because we  feel beholden, obliged, like no one will like us if we don’t accede to someone’s demands, we move away from our higher self. When we say yes to substances and behaviors not in our best interest, we pollute our bodies and minds, and lose effectiveness, sometimes totally.

From there comes extreme loneliness, not to mention inability to function at peak powers in real life. Worst case, early death of mind, spirit and body.

Saying yes when you need to say no is dangerous. So how about we all just slow down a little, think longer and feel more what our higher self says?

Prayer and meditation help here.

Saying yes it a higher, deeper, greater power, well, that’s a yes that cannot hurt and can only help. When we do this, we are fueled and operating from clarity, safety and strength. That’s something we can say yes to, can’t we? Yes? Sure! Yes!

More guidelines for when, where and how to say yes–and no–in my book The Hungry Ghost: How I Ditched 100 Pounds and Came Fully Alive.