Reinvention time–and I’m talking to a lot of people. I need to vent,

They also serve who stand and listen. Only.

bounce ideas, chew things over. Experimenting with a new support group has shown me a lot about what does and does not work these conversations. I really, really hate it when people I have just met start telling me at great length what to do. I feel disrespected and not heard. Suddenly the conversation is all about the “teacher” and not a two-way thing. Thinking about this, I decided I’d offer a few ideas about giving advice:

1. DON’T. It’s tempting to tell people what to do. But to a lot of us that feels like fixing, and we’re not broken. Maybe we just want you to listen and be there with us.

2. ASK PERMISSION. Okay, so you’ve got some really, really good ideas. You’ve been through this. A conversation is supposed to go two ways. Fine. So ask, “Can I offer a suggestion?” Then wait and listen for the answer. Watch the body language. A lot of people have trouble saying no. Your intuition will tell you. If you get a verbal no, or sense a non-verbal one, respect the response.

3.  ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. We all have our answers within, and someone listening carefully and asking leading questions will help pull the answer out. If you sense vagueness in a certain area,  invite clarification. If you’re genuinely interested, the questions will come and the results will be far more powerful than any solutions you could have come up with on your own.

4. TAKE MY ADVICE ON ADVICE-GIVING. Seriously. Really. I’m just trying to help. I only want what’s best for you… 🙂